Are You Toxic?

The loss brought about a profound change in her demeanour. She no longer wore a smile as frequently, and when she did, it appeared hollow and devoid of genuine emotion. Her eyes once filled with light

I’ve known Aa'ishah my entire life. A cheerful girl with a humble heart. Easygoing and always liked to help others. Her face wore a beautiful smile so effortlessly you would say she was born with it, the type of smile that softens hearts, and hardly takes offence. At a point she was wronged, I remember someone saying to her: "You are too soft, people will keep on you chancing you", she replied saying “Let it go, it's not that deep, don’t give them a chance to ruin our happiness” with a calming smile, those words came out of her mouth with so much kindness in her eyes. Sometimes I wondered how special God had created her.

A tragic event occurred that deeply impacted her life—she lost her younger brother. It seemed as though a switch had been flipped within her. The loss brought about a profound change in her demeanour. She no longer wore a smile as frequently, and when she did, it appeared hollow and devoid of genuine emotion. Her eyes once filled with light, now reflected darkness and emptiness.

It was evident that something within her had departed, leaving behind a void that was filled with bitterness. The transformation she underwent was striking—from being a genuinely sweet individual to becoming a toxic presence. As a result, she lost many of her true friends, the ones who had cherished her for the person she used to be, the "very sweet Aa'ishah."

The warmth and sweetness that used to emanate from her in our friendship has vanished completely, replaced by the opposite. She has transformed into a highly toxic individual. Every little thing becomes a source of criticism for her, and she bitterly complains incessantly without ever ceasing. She never acknowledges her own mistakes or allows herself to be corrected. Instead, she becomes defensive, arrogant, and avoids taking any responsibility. She expects others to cater to her every need but offers no help to those in need. Rather than accepting accountability, she blames everyone else for her problems, refusing to acknowledge her own role.

Photo by Ankhesenamun on Unsplash

Witnessing such a drastic change in someone I once knew as a kind and pleasant girl is truly unbelievable. She has lost all her relationships and now lives in isolation. While everyone else has abandoned her, I have remained steadfast, trying my best to assist her and holding onto the belief that there is still goodness within her. At this point, you may be wondering about my connection to her. She was my closest friend. Additionally, she had a loving fiancé. We were the only two individuals who remained in her life, and unfortunately, she manipulated and abused both of us.

She had developed a tendency to internalize everything, attributing her emotions to others and adopting a victim mindset. Consequently, she frequently engaged in arguments with her family and fiance, resorting to hurtful words and dredging up past grievances. She displayed a lack of concern for her fiance's feelings and exhibited traits of jealousy and possessiveness. Additionally, she felt envious of the accomplishments of others.

Witnessing her emotional turmoil, I felt deep sympathy for her fiance, who bore the brunt of her emotional abuse. He spent the most time with her and confided in me, shedding tears over the toll it took on him. The exhaustion was palpable, both for him and for me. Dealing with Aa'ishah in every aspect was incredibly draining. Although I loved her, her actions were slowly suffocating me. It was time for me to prioritize my own well-being, so I made the difficult decision to walk away. I had given my all, just as her fiance had, but he chose to endure the relationship's hardships, which ultimately drained him. He lost himself, his job, and even his own family and friends along the way. I witnessed his gradual deterioration, consumed by sadness. However, I was unable to assist him. This serves as a stark reminder of the detrimental effects of holding onto a toxic relationship.

After my experience with Aa'ishah, I saw clearly how detrimental a toxic person can be to our lives. I decided to put together the traits of a toxic person. you found them in a close friend, family or partner, you would know to get the necessary help or take the necessary action before it gets too late.

Below are some traits I've compiled to help you identify toxic behaviour and guide anyone who believes they might be exhibiting such traits, or if someone close to them perceives them as toxic.

• Absence of empathy:

Toxic individuals face difficulty in comprehending or relating to the emotions and experiences of others. They are self-centred and indifferent to the potential harm they inflict. Their deficiency in empathy can result in emotional neglect and create obstacles in building healthy and nurturing relationships

• Recalling previous errors:

A toxic individual utilizes your past missteps as a weapon to hinder your progress. They repeatedly bring up your failures and deficiencies, aiming to evoke feelings of guilt or inadequacy. This conduct is intended to erode your self-assurance and exert control over you. I once had a companion who would dredge up events from years ago to inflict emotional distress. It is challenging to navigate life with such an individual by your side.

• Lack of accountability:

The inability to accept responsibility for one's actions is a prominent indication of toxic behavior. Toxic individuals often shift blame onto others or external factors, evading accountability. For instance, if a toxic partner breaks a plate, they may attribute it to an argument you had or how you placed the plate on the table instead of in the cupboard. However, breaking a plate is a minor incident that anyone could have experienced. This behavior hinders personal growth and obstructs positive transformation.

• Conditional support.

Toxic individuals tend to prioritize their own needs and only seek your assistance when it benefits them, but they may be unwilling to reciprocate when you require their support. This one-sided dynamic can make you feel exploited and emotionally depleted.

• Belittling behaviour:

Toxic individuals derive a distorted sense of superiority and self-worth by degrading others. They engage in demeaning actions or make derogatory remarks to elevate themselves. Their negative comments and behavior can gradually chip away at your self-esteem, leaving you questioning your own value.

• Constant negativity towards others:

They consistently exhibit a negative outlook towards others. Despite the fact that most people have both positive and negative aspects, toxic individuals fixate solely on the negative traits, failing to acknowledge any positive qualities. They often engage in gossip, sharing negative information about almost everyone they know. It wouldn't be surprising if you become the subject of their discussions when you're not present. They are likely to perceive no good in you either and may speak negatively about you to others, just as they have done with others in your presence.

• Displaying arrogance and entitlement:

Toxic individuals frequently demonstrate an inflated sense of entitlement and superiority towards others. They firmly believe they are always right and intellectually superior, disregarding the opinions and feelings of those around them in a dismissive and arrogant manner. Their arrogance can be both exasperating and isolating, fostering an unhealthy power dynamic.

• Manipulative guilt-tripping:

Most of the time, they resort to guilt-tripping as a method of control. They manipulate your emotions to induce feelings of guilt when you assert yourself or establish boundaries. This tactic is designed to uphold their dominance and discourage you from challenging their behaviour.

• Draining emotional impact:

Engaging with them is emotionally exhausting. Even brief interactions with them can leave you feeling depleted, anxious, and stressed. Their constant manipulation and exploitation during every interaction can significantly affect your emotional well-being.

• Sarcastic compliments:

Toxic individuals often disguise their criticisms through backhanded compliments. They make snide remarks or give compliments that carry an underlying insult. This behaviour is intended to undermine your self-esteem and create a sense of imbalance. For example, they might say, "Congratulations on your new phone It's a nice one, but it would have been better if it were so so brand." They may quickly add, "I'm not saying it's not nice, just saying it would look more good if you had brought that brand." If you fall into their mind games, you may start doubting your decision to choose a red car over a black one.

• Excessive defensiveness:

They exhibit a heightened defensiveness and find it challenging to accept constructive criticism. They quickly become angered or defensive when their actions or behaviour are questioned or challenged. This defensiveness impedes healthy communication, problem-solving, and personal growth.

• Infrequent apologies:

Also, they seldom apologize or acknowledge their actions. They tend to deflect blame, make excuses, or redirect attention onto others. This lack of accountability hinders the process of healing and reconciliation within relationships.

Recognizing these signs is vital for safeguarding your well-being and fostering healthy relationships. If you come across a toxic individual in your life, it is advisable to seek professional help, establish boundaries, and reduce contact.

Ignoring this fact can be detrimental if you suspect that you may have been perceived as a toxic person. It is important to actively work on yourself and distance yourself from the aforementioned characteristics. Remember, life is beautiful, and the less toxic you are, the more enjoyable life becomes. People will be more inclined to open up to you, and you can foster deeper connections and positive experiences.