Error You Are Making While Setting Goals
In setting goals, there are some components or causes of other errors, but I have compiled just such a list so as not to miss anything and understand the cause-and-effect relationships. It turned out to be ten points — a beautiful number for a paragraph of a non-fiction book. Lol. I described the mistakes that I made myself and that I meet most often with other people. I also briefly described how to avoid such mistakes. Do not rush to let the thought “Thank you, kaatib, this is understandable, but how to do it?” into your head. Next, I will describe my approaches. Even without special knowledge, they will drive you into the framework of an algorithm that will minimize errors. Let’s start our hit parade!
1. Having No goals.
I’ve met a lot of people who can’t answer what their goals are. They just answer that they want to live well. Usually, there is no goal for those who, like a squirrel in a wheel, solve problems nonstop to stay afloat. They just go with the flow. They are driven by incentives, so the goals are simple. But if they had ambitious goals, the approach would be completely different. Also, the desire to set goals decreases with the onset of the basic relaxation zone. People in their relaxation zone experience anxiety and do not develop it.
Without a goal, it is difficult to understand what is important, since everything becomes important, and it is impossible to determine the priority. The worst option is when a person is depressed or cannot recognize their desires. Such people live in the image of a victim and are happy to stay in it, blaming everyone around them. So, it’s easier to come up with an excuse for your inaction and wait for everything to be brought on a platter. I was at the place of the victim and the squirrel. If you are reading this, it is unlikely that you do not have goals.
At least you have a desire for them to appear, and that’s fine. If you don’t have goals, analyze the reason why this is happening. In any case, you have desires and curiosity. If you don’t see them, figure out why. Through books, videos, psychotherapists or the poke method. The main thing is to try. Otherwise, life without goals will kill you mentally and physically.
2. Living Somebody else’s goals.
Some people tell me that there are no other people’s goals. If a person wants something, then how can it be someone else’s wish? There is some truth in this. But I would say that there are no other people’s desires, but there are other people’s goals. Today, many people want to study medicine or go into tech. Is it a desire or a goal to get such a profession? Ask such a person why he needs it. He’ll say something like, “Well, it’s cool, modern, they pay a lot, prestige and they have job opportunities there.” Such a person sets himself the goal of “becoming a doctor or a tech person”.
But for some reason, actions are postponed, excuses are invented, and burnout is happening, the tiredness sets in. Most likely, this is someone else’s goal, with which a person wants to satisfy his desire for security or status. He wants to have a sought-after and prestigious profession, so that the conditions are better, and he is not ashamed to tell his people about it. Anyone with this mindset wants to satisfy his desire but with the help of someone else’s goal. It won’t work that way. You need to want what you want and understand why you want it.
Understand your desires so as not to live by someone else’s goals. The most annoying thing is to be disappointed when you have reached the goal, and you don’t need it. I presented my thesis in university, I know what I’m talking about.
3. Having Too many goals.
If you have a lot of goals, then most of this list is someone else’s goals or just tasks. It’s easy for real goals to get lost in a large list, and you won’t be able to focus on them. On the Internet, we have been instilled with a culture of success and quick results. Become a programmer in a month, learn English in 2 hours, and so on. We are promised that everything can be achieved quickly in a world of uncertainty. Our brain loves this. It immediately seems that everything is necessary and you can do everything.
You watch a lot of content; you see a lot of opportunities. That’s why I’ve always wanted to have a danger foreseen so it’d be half avoided. I wanted to be a designer, then a programmer and even a product owner. I didn’t just have a lot of goals, but even conflicting goals. In all these areas, I set goals, read books, and blogs and watched courses. Some directions meant that one would have to start over. But I didn’t want to worsen the conditions. So, the circle came back to “honey is sweet but the bee stings”, and it did not reach any decisive action. The only advantage was expanding my horizons, which has always helped me. I had huge lists of goals, and some were even achieved later, but in comparison to the unachieved ones, it was a tiny part. I looked at it and was sad.
I was looking for recipes for productivity and efficiency to have more time, but there were no results. So, it went on until I accepted the bitter truth. If you want to do more, plan less. We must admit that we can’t do everything, but we can do the most important thing. Only finding the most important thing is another difficult task. In many ways, the book “Essentialism” by Greg McKeon helped me to understand and recognize this. One of the main thoughts of the book:
“The essentialist constantly asks himself the question: “Am I doing the right thing?”. There are so many opportunities and things in the world that we don’t have enough time or resources for everything. And even though many of them seem interesting to us, there are only a few really necessary ones. The path of the essentialist teaches us to see what is important, that is, to consider all existing options and choose only the most valuable”
From the book “Essentialism”
At first, it is difficult to realize such a thought. I want to say, “Thank you, Cap. That’s what you came up with, of course. To abandon all goals and deeds, and do only a couple of the main ones. Who will do the rest? There are also important things there.” These were my first emotions. Later I realized the depth of the thought. A great contribution to this understanding was made by my friend and colleague Dima Moroz. We spent a lot of time discussing this topic in order to understand essentialism.
I don’t see any other way out today — rather than moving in twenty directions one centimeter a year, it is better to move 100 km in one direction and qualitatively change life. Reach a new level to unlock more opportunities and see more paths. In a year, not 20 years. You can’t change your life to a mortgage by time because your life ends. It is necessary to focus more not on prioritization, but on the ability to choose the best for yourself from equally good options.
4. Fear of starting up.
Fear itself is not a mistake, everyone experiences it. A mistake is to set goals when you are afraid to start something new and make mistakes. I’ve seen a lot of people who, having not tried anything yet, come up with why it won’t work. Anything to avoid starting. You already know the reasons. This happens because of a negative experience, unwillingness to take responsibility for your life, a fixed mindset, a bad environment or fear of someone else’s opinion. It is necessary to get rid of this error first of all, as you will deal with the first three errors.
You know what to do with the environment and its opinion, how to treat mistakes and change the mindset. When you finish reading the book, the concept of system life will bring even more clarity, and it will be more difficult for fear to manifest itself. But if fears are very deeply embedded in your head, then perhaps you need to solve the problem on a more serious level and seek help. For example, in one podcast with Ivan Zamesin, he told a story about his fear of starting a new business. His business was taken away from him, and he could not start a new one for a long time. He went to psychotherapy and solved this problem.
It turned out that he had a trauma due to a negative experience that was holding him back. Such a decision requires courage and a good psychotherapist. I am not an expert, so I have no right to advise anything on this issue. Just do not immediately give up on yourself and jump on the shrink couch to pour out your soul after facing any fear.
To get started, try simple ways. Most often, simple ignorance of how to set goals correctly generates fear, which is easy to get rid of. Critical thinking or talking to friends can also help. The main thing is not to ignore fear and not to set goals, because it is necessary. Otherwise, the goals will not be achieved, and the vicious circle of negative experiences will be closed. Old fears will strengthen, new ones will appear, and so on. I’ve ridden this circle many times. I set myself big goals at a time when I felt that I was already afraid to go to them. I had a lot of questions and mental barriers because I had no idea how to do it.
As I wrote above, the acceptance of uncertainty and the evolution of my goal-setting helped me to get rid of fear. If you are a little scared when setting a goal, then it means that the goal is ambitious. That’s good, that’s how it should be. The main thing is to feel that fear is controlled, and does not get the better of you. Fear paralyzes creativity, and this is the basis of its activity. If you are afraid, there will be no experiments, no new beginnings. Fear blocks creativity. Minimizing fear gives you more resources for clarity of thinking and creative solutions, which increases your courage and readiness for new things. In this state, when setting goals, a person will not overestimate threats and underestimate opportunities. He will be ready to deal with problems and find workarounds. Often fear is a consequence of other mistakes from this list. Analyze the root causes of your fear and try to fix the mistakes yourself. Make yourself believe that starting something new is not scary, but interesting. It’s scary to stay put.
5. There Are No resources.
Similarly, to fear, you cannot set goals when resources are at zero. When analyzing the current situation, you should have received estimates of health, energy and time resources. You remember, if there are small estimates, then you should not think about ambitious goals yet. It is necessary to solve a problem with resources or swap priorities until you solve the problem with resources.
Keep an eye on your resources. On their level, condition and renewal. Be aware of what resources you are setting goals with, and whether they will be enough. Also, do not forget about the resources of your environment. Sometimes you can start with it to acquire basic resources and maintain them. Many people make a mistake when, without solving problems with the environment, they try to set ambitious goals for themselves.
Thereby immediately choosing a difficult path. Why move towards the goal despite everything, if you can move and get support? If you do not skip the stage of analyzing the current situation, then there should be no problems with the revaluation of resources.
6. Vague goals formulations.
Inaccurate goal formulations are a favourite mistake of procrastination, lack of motivation and fear of beginnings. When the goal is inaccurate, more like a dream or fantasy, it is unclear where to start. If it is unclear, it means difficult. The brain tries to postpone everything complicated. Why should it waste energy on difficulties if its task is to save it? It’s not its fault, it’s nature. Most often, the Internet advises using different methods to set a clear goal but poorly explains why. For example, like this: “By 12/28/2024, I would have finished my online course and start working.” They say that when there is a clear deadline, it will motivate you. In real life, the date of 12/28/2024 will come, but nothing will be achieved. Scolding yourself, you go to the shower to cry under the running water. Thereby strengthening your fears and negative experiences.
The goal should be as accurate as possible. But you need to understand why accuracy is needed. By itself, it does not move you to the goal. As if if you complete that course and start working on 20/01/2024 or work in a team of three people, the goal will not be achieved. We already know that a goal is a place or a state where you haven’t been yet. Accordingly, you don’t know how to get there yet. If everything is clear to you and you know what to do, this is a task, not a goal. No one can accurately formulate a place they have never been to. To take the first steps in the formulation of goals, ask yourself: “How will I understand that the goal has been achieved?” The goal must have parameters and criteria by which you can check whether it has been achieved or not. Reachability by criteria may come sooner or later.
Therefore, there is a nuance with the deadline. This is an approximate guideline to build a reversible plan to achieve the goal. It can be shifted or revised, but not indefinitely. Vague formulations lead to unattainable goals. Dream, fantasize, but then structure it all into achievable precise goals with the help of a target picture. To see the main sub-goals by which you will move towards the goal. There is no need to set a goal “to open a tent with flowers on Mars” because, in the online course, they said that the main thing is to believe in yourself.
Ask yourself the question: are you deceiving yourself by keeping your head in the clouds? Is the deadline that you set for yourself realistic? The goal should be ambitious, not unattainable. This is a huge difference. It should make you feel that you don’t know how to achieve it yet, but there should be no objective reasons that it can’t be done. A clear sign of an unattainable goal is the difficulty of drawing up even an upper—level action plan.
Because inside this huge goal, there are many ambitious steps that you have not done before, and they need to be worked out separately. In this case, you need to divide the goal into sub-goals and move along them. As the philosopher said in an interview about the Sochi Olympics: “Don’t fall from heaven.” Be optimistic and realistic, and learning to formulate accurate goals is a matter of time and practice. The Internet is full of techniques that you can try, and I will tell you about my methods further.
7. Lack of a management and monitoring system.
It happens that we sort of figured out the purpose, wrote everything down and started doing something. But the tasks are not decomposed, they are not entered anywhere, progress is not measured, and reconciliation with the course is not carried out. Simply put, no workspace is organized for working with tasks whether it’s a notepad or a special program. It’s like you’re climbing a mountain with a team, but you didn’t calculate the amount of food and got the route wrong. So, you get up until the food runs out, and do not check the map.
You can say you’re going blind. For example, I exaggerate too much, but the idea is that for you, the monitoring system of your condition and position is factual information. You don’t use the information for predictive management, it just notifies you that the food has run out, or you have come to the wrong place. This happens when there is no monitor in which you can look and see problems in advance, draw conclusions or make a decision. Usually, there is no monitor, since there is no task management system of its own, from where you can get data to look at it. If the goals are written down, and everything else is in your head, then it is impossible to get a general picture in your head for a review. Such a system is also called task management. Goals should not only be correctly formulated and written down. You need a system in which you will manage tasks and resources for the implementation of your plans. Your game interface, which always shows up-to-date information, warns about deviations and helps to stick to the optimal path.
8. Repeating instead of understanding.
I cannot possibly call it a mistake. It’s more of a bug. To correct it means to correct the approach to immersion in the subject area before using other people’s tools or advice. I refer to any templates and methods of setting goals as tools. How does it usually happen? A person learns or understands that goals need to be set. The question “how to do it” immediately arises, and the Internet pours content on it. A person chooses a method and tries to repeat it, but he does not succeed. There are templates, there are examples, but it is unclear how to set your goals. It’s even worse when it seems that everything is clear, but nothing happens as a result.
There is a lot of copy paste on the Internet and few explanations. Conclusions and explanations of why the tool (template) looks exactly like this are often missed. Why should SMART goals work? Why should Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time-bound work? Where do these parameters come from? Why not DUMB, HARD or PACT? This is not a set of words, there are such approaches. Then a person either tries and through experience comes to his method himself or gives it up and is leaning towards quick and simple solutions from info-gypsies.
If I had had today’s knowledge in the past, I would have started with books about the brain and thinking. Any goal—setting tool is a scenario for template thinking so that the process is natural and sustainable to the resistance of our brain. When we understand how the brain and thinking work, the principles of operation of all tools become clear.
For example, the books “Brain. Instructions for Use” by David Rock and “The Chimpanzee Paradox. Brain Management” by Steve Peters give an understanding that the brain has its own goals, and it controls us, not vice versa. The books “Predictable Irrationality” by Dan Arieli and “Think Slowly…Decide Quickly” by Daniel Kahneman help to realize our irrationality, psychological inertia and susceptibility to thinking traps. If you read at least one book from the list above, then your goal-setting will improve in some way. Take a look at the Goals of the Brain by David Rock, which was about in the section about uncertainty. And then take a look at SMART goals. Brain goals and SMART parameters have a lot in common.
9. Lack of conclusions.
Above you have read a list of eight mistakes that I consider important. The last one completes our hit parade — a banal, but significant mistake. Significant, because its presence in your life prevents you from developing and eliminating any mistakes. Every mistake has its reasons and depth. Everyone avoids or eliminates them in their way. Some give up, some try to move blindly, and some even succeed in advancing.
But, according to my observations, few people consciously carry out reflection. What this process is, and why it is important and useful, you will read in the fifth chapter. For now, think of reflection as the ability to consciously pay attention to your thoughts and behavior, as well as evaluate the decisions made and the results obtained. A kind of analysis of the current situation at the maximum after each approach to the goal. Rebehaviourmember the last time you sat down and sorted out what you planned and what results you got. Why did you fail or why did it work out? A modern person has no time to do this while he is running up the escalator to success. We either want the result or we are furious that there is no result.
Qualitative analysis allows you to strengthen good decisions in the future and optimize each new approach to the goal. Understand the causes of errors, draw conclusions and not repeat them next time. There should be reflection at the end of any stage. An official ritual that will make you better than last time. Especially if the mistakes are repeated and you are stuck. If something doesn’t work out for a long time, then you need to look deeper for the causes of the problem.
Reflection and analysis will help to do this. With the help of my repeated reflections, I ended up having a list of these errors. You could already see many of them on the Internet, but it was more effective for me to reach them myself. I have set goals many times and nothing has worked out. Instead of conclusions, I was looking for another way, but everything remained the same. Do not make such a mistake and be sure to allocate time for reflection.
A short review from the book “System Life” by Semyon Kolosov