Finding it hard to win friends?
"Your ability to influence others positively is not determined by their stubbornness but by your approach to understanding and connecting with them”.
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you desperately wanted to correct someone's behavior, be it a colleague, family member, or a junior at work, but your efforts seemed futile? It's a common predicament. However, the root of the problem might not be the other person's stubbornness but rather the approach you take in addressing it.
In my journey of self-improvement and interpersonal skills, I stumbled upon invaluable insights within the pages of the timeless classic, 'How to Win Friends and Influence People.' These lessons have not only shed light on why our attempts often fall short but also provided a roadmap for more effective communication and influence.
In this article, I’ll share five key takeaways from the book that can be immensely helpful when dealing with those challenging situations. Let’s explore a better way to navigate these interactions and foster positive change.
The Power of Empathy: Empathy is a must trait to have in your journey to connect with people. Why is that? You share the other person’s feeling when you’re empathetic. This all boils down to your ability to see things from the other person’s perspective. What I mean here is try putting yourself in their shoes by seeing it from the other person’s point of view. When you’re empathetic, you cultivate an understanding mindset for better communication.
Listen First, Speak Later: Most people have the habit of interrupting the other party while they’re talking. You must have heard the importance of listening, how meaningful relationship can be made because of your ability to listen attentively to the other party. You should listen attentively to the second party the next time you’re in a conversation. When you listen, listen. Do not let your mind wander off. Pay attention to what the other person have to say. Believe me, by the end of the conversation you will always have something to say. I want to emphasize the importance of really understanding what has been said by the other, if you don’t get it, you should try putting it in your own words to confirm that you understand what is been said.S
Show Genuine Interest: Rather than focusing solely on your own interests, effective communication involves showing genuine interest in the other person’s perspective and conversation to align with their interests. People can perceive a fake. Building connections through authentic curiosity is a sure way of strengthening rapport.
Avoid Criticism, Condemnation, and Complaints: Negative criticism should be avoided because it often cause resentment. Criticism will not lead to any change but rather will lead to the other party trying to justify himself/herself. Do you know what happens when you tell someone they are wrong? They not only try to justify themselves but will disagree with you totally as their self esteem has been threatened. Instead of criticizing people’s error, you should try to make the fault appear manageable and fixable. This is to avoid demoralizing others when pointing out their mistake. Here’s a suggestion: The next time you think of criticizing anyone, talk about your mistake. This will increase the possibility of the other party to respond positively and take action by correcting that mistake.
Involve Others and Give Them Ownership: When you aim to persuade and influence others positively, a powerful approach is to involve them actively in the decision-making process and let them feel like the idea originates from within them. This process is akin to a collaborative dance, where you play the role of a supportive partner, polishing their creative spark until it gleams brightly.
In essence, it's about creating an environment where collaboration thrives, where others not only endorse the idea but champion it as their own. This subtle yet effective strategy of influence fosters a sense of unity and shared purpose, making positive change not only possible but also sustainable.