Maybe They should Do Better
The more we’ve seen of the world, the more we’ve encountered loud mouths—those who hear just to repeat, those who listen only to spread what was never meant for them to carry.
No one wakes up and decides to be secretive. It’s not like we plan to hide parts of ourselves away or deliberately keep things locked up. It’s just that, over time, we learn. We learn that not everyone listens with care, that not every ear is trustworthy. We learn that some people will take what we share and twist it, turning our vulnerability into something else entirely. And so, we keep more to ourselves. We retreat. We become more selective with our words, more guarded with our hearts.
People say humans are social creatures, that we’re wired to connect, to share, to open up. But the reality is that many of us have learned the hard way that openness can be met with betrayal, that honesty can be twisted into gossip. The more we’ve seen of the world, the more we’ve encountered loud mouths—those who hear just to repeat, those who listen only to spread what was never meant for them to carry.
It’s not that we want to live in secrecy, to hold back, to hide. It’s that we’ve been conditioned by experience. The truth is fragile, and in the wrong hands, it can be shattered or weaponized. It’s exhausting to constantly worry about who will hold our stories with care and who will let them slip through their fingers into places we never intended. So we become quiet. We choose our confidants carefully, if we choose them at all.
And yes, maybe that quietness is mistaken for secrecy. Maybe to some it looks like we’re withholding, like we’re keeping too much inside. But it’s not about deception. It’s about self-preservation. It’s about recognizing that not every truth is meant for public consumption, and not every person deserves a front-row seat to our innermost thoughts.
We all start off wanting to share, to connect, to be seen for who we really are. But life has a way of teaching us that not everyone can handle the weight of our honesty. So, we learn to protect ourselves, not out of malice, but out of necessity. We become selective with our trust, careful with our words, because we know that once they’re out there, they’re no longer ours.
It’s easy to say that humans should be open, that we should share our lives freely. But when you’ve been burned by loud mouths—by people who took your vulnerability and treated it as something to be passed around—it’s hard to go back to that place of openness. So, we choose silence over exposure. We choose privacy over risk.
But on the other side of this, as a community, we need to change. We must learn to be better listeners, better keepers of each other’s trust. Too many of us are quick to speak, quick to share what was never ours to share. The Prophet ﷺ said, “Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him speak good or remain silent.” This reminds us of the immense weight our words carry. Once spoken, they cannot be taken back, and the harm they may cause can linger far beyond what we imagine.
We must realize that our amanah (trust) is sacred. When someone opens their heart to you, it’s not a small thing. It’s a responsibility, a test of character. So, ask yourself—am I a safe space for others? Am I someone who holds secrets with care, who listens with the intention to support, not to spread?
Yes, we’ve become secretive, cautious, quiet—perhaps even too much so at times. But there’s a reason for that. The world has too many loud mouths, too many people who speak without thinking. As individuals, we’ve built walls to protect ourselves from this noise, but as a ummah, we need to rebuild the trust that allows us to tear those walls down.
Let us strive to be people who honor the dignity of others’ words, who speak with wisdom and restraint, and who know when to hold silence as an act of mercy. In this way, we can create a space where hearts feel safe to be open again, where secrecy isn’t a necessity, but a choice made out of trust, love, and mutual respect.
May Allah guide us to be better keepers of trust, and may He grant us the wisdom to share and to protect in ways that please Him.
Maybe they should do better... but it's not my role to change anyone.
Sometimes giving recommendations to toxic people can lead one to more exploit than imagined.
I have come to say to myself more often than not that: Every one is learning, building and at times healing at their own pace ' although this is not applicable in all circumstances.
Sometimes, those who are loud mouths are also having things they bury really down which they are too scared to speak about. At times, it is pains from regret. But they prevent themselves from processing the hurts the right way and then trying to cover up from speaking about those things or even running away from their own thoughts by been the lousy version they are...
But I am not trying to give anyone a sense of justice, we really need to set healthy boundaries and maybe that's what we call building walls...