Restarting Your Life
Hi, dear amazing soul….Been ages.
At some stage of our time on Earth, we might wonder about the meaning of our life.
If you have ever had this thought, take comfort that you are not alone. There is ample anecdotal evidence that people are looking for ways to live a more meaningful life. Living a meaningful life and deciding what is meaningful are age-old questions.
However, the truth is that you can never restart life but you can change the way you live it. As a human that’s the beautiful thing about us. We can change and adapt the way we live and this can ultimately create a fresh slate/start to our lives as we can now fully embrace something. For example, if you hav problems with addiction you can restart your life by pledging soberness and promising to always better your life this makes a fresh start for you.
A lot of the mistakes and "wasted time" we get wrapped up in can actually prepare us for the future.
Irrespective of age, whenever you find yourself at a turning point in life, the most constructive thing you can do is to check back in with your true self. It doesn’t matter whether you are in your late teens, early or late 20s, sadly many people never take the time to ask themselves some fundamental questions; the first and most critical being ‘What are my values’?
Clarifying and articulating your values can seem like a daunting task but not if you approach it from the perspective of ‘what would I live for, fight for, strive for, die for’? Setting goals, a mission, a purpose or a vision for your life must be underpinned by your values - for this is the rocket fuel of motivation and sustainability.
Values are the things, concepts and personal characteristics you hold most near and dear. We often act from a state of unconsciousness born out of the values we have accepted as our own, that were merely passed down from family, school, or culture. But somewhere deep inside our lives our real values your lives beg to be examined and championed.
Your values can, and do, change throughout different stages of your life, and I can attest to that first-hand through my own life experience and lots of people I’ve worked with.
Whatever words you choose to be your internal compass for this next chapter of your life, choose those that resonate most clearly with you. Ask yourself, what is important to me right now? What do I care about? What brings me comfort, joy, enthusiasm, pride and certainty? If I didn’t live according to them, would I feel guilty, sad or disappointed? Pick five words that will help guide your decisions, thoughts, actions and behaviours. Then write out what those words mean to you. Be as detailed as you can. Why are these five values important to you, and if you were to live according to them, what goals would you set for yourself and what actions would you take to achieve them?
In fixing yourself, I have two options for you:
You take the Blue Pill: You return to your normal routine, ignore your baggage and hope that eventually time soothes the pain in your gut when you think about your past. (Clearly, the time hasn't been on your side on this though.)
Or….
You take the Red Pill: And you take a good hard look at the world you’ve made for yourself and decide whether it’s worth unpacking your baggage.
And then focus on these steps.
1. Accept the person who you were back then.
Each of us has a unique road in life that brings us to different points at different times. Back then you were at a different point than you are now. That’s OK. We are all limited by our experiences at any given point in our lives. Back then you were operating under different limits.
2. Learn from the person who you were back then.
That being said, you obviously have regrets because now you believe that you could have made better decisions. Ask yourself the hard questions. Why did you make those decisions that led to your regret? How can you change in the here and now to make sure that you won’t get caught in those old patterns again?
3. Come to a resolution.
Some people get calls from individuals they haven’t heard from in years –all in the name of closure. And sometimes that helps when you’re trying to deal with your past. But ultimately the only person who can give you a resolution to your feelings is yourself. You have to forgive yourself. With or without the other person’s blessing. You have to chose to let go of all the regret you have inside you because there isn’t a time machine that will take you back. Just as there is no time machine for the future you to come back now and kick your butt for being over half a decade out from a bad period and still brewing over it instead of moving on with your emotional well-being.
This time you have to ask yourself for forgiveness. Can I forgive myself for the decisions I made when I was younger?
For what it’s worth, I think you do have the power to forgive yourself. All it takes is some self-reflection and your willingness to close a door behind you and refocus on the path in front of you.
Which brings me to…
4. Live in the present.
Have you lately thought about how precious your current relationships are in your life? Each moment we have is beautiful and the time is now to appreciate it. Now it’s time to take off the blinders. Because there is someone who you can share your life with, someone who you won’t make the same mistakes twice with because you learned from and forgave that past you. You deserve to find happiness and fulfilment in the present—to live with no regret or fear of failure, but to live with inner peace and outer tenacity. The life you want, had you made different decisions in the past, is the life waiting right in front of you? All you have to do is choose to live it.
And finally, be kind to yourself on your journey. Learn from your mistakes but then let them go. Do something constructive every day. Be of service. Apologise when you need to. Know that you’ll have good days and bad and accept them equally as part of your growth. Accept that the past is only a memory and the future is just a figment of your imagination. Grab today, right now, as the first day of the rest of your life. Take heart that in every moment there is always a new and better choice that is yours for the making. Small steps in the right direction is all that is required of you.
Till next time…..Ramadan Mubaarak to all Muslim.