You And Your Goals

Firstly, eliminate any goals that are primarily aimed at meeting the expectations of others.

Continuing from our previous discussion, would you prefer:

• Devoting your days to constructing, crafting, or enhancing the endeavours of others?

• Engaging in close collaboration or pursuing independent pursuits?

• Residing in the public eye or orchestrating events behind the scenes?

• Merging work and play or prioritizing balance and crafting the desired lifestyle?

Developing the skill of taking the outside view is crucial when it comes to setting goals. Have you ever observed how easily we can identify the necessary next steps for our friends when they encounter challenges, while they themselves struggle to see them? It's a common phenomenon—we often find it challenging to gain an objective perspective on our own situations. Our personal experiences have shaped our lives, and we tend to interpret them through our own subjective lens. As a result, we develop blind spots when attempting to evaluate ourselves. One could argue that in the contemporary age, the true purpose of learning is to illuminate the assumptions we previously dismissed or overlooked.

To foster the outside view of your own life, you can engage in the following exercises:

1. Imagine being suddenly transported into your own body, having no recollection of your past decisions. Assess your current situation and make the best use of your inherited skills and knowledge. What would be your next course of action?

2. Assume the role of the protagonist in a novel you're currently reading. Ask yourself, "Why don't they just do ______ already?" and fill in the blank with a potential action or decision.

Now, after generating potential goals, let's narrow down the list:

Firstly, eliminate any goals that are primarily aimed at meeting the expectations of others. Your life is a creation of your own choices, and while external influences can affect your decisions, the responsibility for taking steps forward lies solely with you. Your approach to goals should reflect this freedom of choice.

Do not underestimate or relinquish your ability to choose. In our individual journeys, fulfilment arises from following our own internal compass. Every goal should be self-selected and pursued for your own reasons.

Secondly, distinguish between goals and dreams. While the pursuit of a goal is intrinsically rewarding, regardless of the outcome, dreams are dependent on achievement.

Photo by Markus Winkler on Unsplash

To proceed further, it's important to identify your instrumental goals, which are the intermediate steps on the path toward achieving your larger goal. Take the time to understand the nature of what you are committing to. If something aligns with the meaning of your life, it will require regular practice. Evaluate if this level of commitment is realistic for you.

Remember, every choice comes with an opportunity cost. Consider what you would need to sacrifice in order to pursue a particular goal. After recognizing the price you have to pay for its achievement, ask yourself if the goal still excites you. For example, if you aspire to be a great writer but are unwilling to dedicate your days to writing and honing your craft, then "becoming a writer" is not a goal but a mere dream.

Now that you have a list of potential goals, how do you choose among them? With limited capacity on our metaphorical plates, we must carefully select the items from the buffet.

When faced with a dilemma between two options, consider these three rules of thumb to help you make a decision:

1. Avoid choosing the status quo unless it is clearly the overwhelmingly favourable choice. Often, we tend to be overly cautious when it comes to making significant decisions. Research shows that people who embrace change generally report higher levels of happiness than those who stick with the familiar.

2. Select the goal that appears more intimidating or challenging. The Resistance, often manifested as fear or doubt, attempts to sway us toward justifying the easier path. These emotions can sabotage our progress in an attempt to protect our ego. Recognize and correct these feelings in order to move forward with the more challenging option.

3. Opt for the goal that can be accomplished in the shortest timeframe. Each ongoing goal carries a certain cost, whether in terms of time, resources, or energy. Achieving a goal not only provides a sense of accomplishment but also creates a platform for pursuing more ambitious objectives in the future. If you're just starting out, prioritize completing goals to build momentum. While it's possible to expand a successful small project into a larger endeavour, repeatedly falling short can be detrimental to your motivation and progress.

   

   Photo by Deleece Cook on Unsplash

It's important to acknowledge that due to our imperfect self-knowledge, it's rare to choose the perfect goal right from the start. However, this should not discourage you. Goal setting is an iterative process, and with each attempt, your aim becomes more refined and accurate. Consider your current goals as a rough draft that represents a tentative direction to pursue.

If you wait until you have all the information, you might be waiting too long. The world is filled with unknown unknowns that can only be revealed through experience. Engaging in deliberate practice and taking action will provide you with a more accurate understanding of the terrain than any exercise or prompt can offer.

Plans may become useless, but the process of planning is indispensable. Optimize for the speed of making decisions, as you can only adjust your course once you have started moving forward. Dwight D. Eisenhower

Embrace the dynamic nature of goal setting, and don't be afraid to make adjustments along the way. With each step, you gain valuable insights that allow you to refine and recalibrate your path. Keep learning, adapting, and moving forward.

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